Hey all! Big drop today.

Chapter 5 Release: "Burn Baby Burn"

You can download and read it below, I hope you all enjoy!

Features

• The biggest and maybe most high-quality chapter 
• A visual overhaul of the UI
• Art from awesome person Bgongo

This is the penultimate chapter, so the next one will be the last. We're getting close!

Sorry for the extended break between updates, making this project has been a surprisingly spiritual journey on my part with art, realness, parasociality and community, and that all culminated this time around.

Normally I would leave it there- but I'm going to try something new and communicate what's happened. 

If you just want the story, go right along and play it- for the rest who are interested in the artist experience side of things, keep reading.

What took so long?

My original approach to writing this was to treat Brogan and Greg as little sock puppets that I wanted to put through the wringer, just really, "what scenarios would push these lil guys to their limit". This was fuelled by honestly, a tiredness from watching Greg all these years. I had an more intimate knowledge of this guy than I knew what to do with, so I channelled it here.

It was very fun, and I found community twice because of it. One because of the VN directly, which gave me the confidence to get the second one.

Then I met Jreg at a liveshow in Arhnem, and it kind of broke my brain. It came with it a violent realization that "oh god, he's literally just a person". He's not a mental image on a screen, he's not just a eclown on a screen. He's a human being. This seems weird but I had genuinely kind of forgotten over the course of watching him. Even Kendrick lamar talks about this so it isn't weird ok?! Seeing someone on a screen exclusively for years, warps your perception of them! Who knew!

Also he played the VN with Brogan onstream and shared it with the CCCRU. It's crazy. He called me out about it during the liveshow. Insane.

After this experience, I couldn't write any more HSTVN.

Why was that?

A few reasons:

My old method of cackling puppetry, which he apparently also *Liked*, suddenly felt childish and immoral, an effort in internet disconnection. Depicting REAL PEOPLE in this bizarre fictional story... truly I only felt that this was weird at this point in time. It was fanfiction on e-clowns, but theyre also real people! Christ what is wrong with me (brainworms)

I had an ending in mind, but no outline for how to get there. I made dozens of stabs at it. I tried to shift to Gokanaru and Jane solving the Fischer mystery but I knew how to write them even less.

Greg complimented me profusely as an artist whenever I saw him. It made me feel extremely weird in my stomach. One of my idols telling me that I make good things and "high art". I didn't know how to process that. I deliberately try to separate myself from my art, sticking only to the process, because otherwise it hurts too much to put it out there. But now arguably the best-case scenario happened, and there's this buried feeling in my stomach of energy, awe, but I can't access it. ANOTHER creative block.

I had to spend an entire day really PROCESSING ALL THIS before I could break myself out of the writing block. I had unknowingly emotionally constipated myself, and had to have space to actually feel all of it before I could continue writing.

And so, I did. The actual creation of chapter 5 took maybe 3/4 weeks. I made an outline and followed it. I embellished and refined the text as I collected and made assets for it. I only wrote scenes which I had ideas for a scrapped the rest. I made the storyline culminate around a CG which I'd asked a friend to make sometime last year, and decided it should be way more important.

And its out!

Making this VN has been shockingly rewarding. Fertile ground for improvement, personal growth, and community. I want to thank everyone's whose lives have been touched reading it, because my life has been certainly touched making it.

Thanks! See you in the final chapter (It wont take nearly as long I promise c: )